You Should Have Stayed...

Sometimes you want someone to wait a while. Sometimes you actually want things to work out the way you want.
In summation.....
I was doing just fine before I met you......

I would have asked you to stay
But I knew you couldn't
So I watched you go away.

I am Not My Hair - Indie Arie

Beauty, they say is in the eyes of the beholder.

Im one bias SOB. Yup, I said it. Maybe you are your hair but since then I've met you your personality has done some work in changing me. Imagine the first few words, the helping hand so you wont trip over your heels on the ramp, the conversation about your friend going manic over a chap that's gone walkies, the ...... the conversation.

It lasted all of 5 minutes but Id made the move, Id overcome my fears, Id spoken to you. Late that night, the DM was silently plain but full of every hint of "we are going to......speak sometime soon?"

I love this new age of "I can find you, I can get to you" and you can decide if its mutual scenario. That's when it becomes a L'Oreal advert, you get to stage 2 "Because you're worth it" (Subtle reference to Whitney Houston's - Worth it hehehe)

I'm spoilt. I'm spoilt for attention, for well traveled, well cultured company. I'm eager for conversation about the deli near Central Park, the carrot cake at Starbucks, the frappa to go, the blanket in the park laid back

Apparently I've been spoilt for you for a minute.....

How long has it been you ask? Its been a minute......

Dede...

I wrote this for a friend who has another blog, her story had a character who I sort of took an interest in and I told her to create a side story. She however took another twist to it. In her story, hes gone...in my mind he lives.
Enjoy people

You don’t know me, you can’t understand my story. It’s hard to take when you have been

taken for a "Maga" or "Lagos JJC" as it may seem.

I loved Lara. She knew I loved her, she was the perfect fit Lara Phillips all 5ft 9inches of chocolate perfection. Full lips, full hips and oh those other "assets".

There are women and there are women and she is one damn woman. Yes I’m a "Lagos boy" you’ll see me where ever the boys throw down, from 100 hours to

Rhapsody to Soul Lounge hey what’s a man to do? Moving back to Lagos was a charm in itself but meeting Lara while walking out of the airport was me in my most powerful state. Hand luggage and her cousin in tow how could she not look? I’d made her cousin coo and do unspeakable things on the plane now we were on ground I’d seen another. This other I had to have! Lara was behind the cord as usual with MMA she had to wait for her people to get through before she could walk up to them. As we walked out I saw her immediately, I saw her look towards me not realizing she was waiting for her cousin Shade. Now don’t get me wrong Shade is alright, head of legal for a multinational and a

figure from the gods but Shade wasn’t Lara. Lara had that "Oomph" factor. She could engage you to the end of the earth, if there was someone you wanted to be stuck on a deserted island with, it was her. But remember I told you, I’m a Lagos Boy.

Once out of the airport Shade became 2nd fiddle for my attentions Lara was Nefertiti, she was Queen to this, she owned this! Lucky for me Shade in her haste to return had forgotten to get her sim back into her phone and had to call from mine! How lucky can one man be!

Once we had parted I just saved the number. There was no WhatsApp or BBM then so there was no way to do this in a subtle manner. I waited, it was hard it was difficult but I waited. Waiting was difficult, my loins ached, the hands of Shade on them in the plane was one thing, the thought of Lara was another made the call 3 days later after being accused by everyone around me of being in a trance. I had it mapped out and planned to perfection. Shade had called me a tonne of times, sent texts etc. I deliberately ignored then on Thursday I called Lara. The excuse was simple, I was trying to get a hold of Shade but didn’t have a number (ignore all the calls and text just keep a straight tone Dede, nothing spoil). My charm offensive was awesome, we spoke for about 20mins, asking how her day was, heard some noise in the background she told me she was on Karimu Kotun trying to get something to eat and that sealed the deal. I was at Eko hotel I summoned her immediately, come round there’s a feast waiting. That was the day I knew Lara loved food and I would feed her to get anything! And I did.

She was there with me for 4hours. In 4 hours Id gotten from her everything, her life story, her likes and her pet likes and hates. I’d also gotten a promise to see later that weekend....Shade was a faint memory for then, even she didn’t remember her cousin. Besides Shade was a 6hr "event"! A London to Lagos tryst was hardly the stuff dreams are made of!

On Friday evening I picked her up and she melted into the leather in my Aston Martin. I made an excuse of picking up something from the house. Same neighbourhood in Lekki so she came in to see the place. Once inside she couldn’t utter a word. Id modelled the house to be the same as the one I had in LA. 2 storey, looks like a bungalow from outside but is awesome when you walk in. Loads of polished/finished wood and loads of Italian marble and the pool. The pool was made for sex, it was the proverbial panty dropper, she saw it and had to get in. Lara was fun, she was a happy go lucky girl and today she was showing me happy, lucky and fun. It took very little for me to convince her the pool was warm enough for a plunge. First her feet, then her ankles and before we knew it she had slipped into the pool fully clothe! She claimed she slipped, she says me standing so close to her and maybe I slipped, fell and moved her ever so slightly beyond the edge.

That evening, I jumped in to "rescue her", gave her a t-shirt to wear (the most snug one I could find, one of the muscle fit A&F ones....momma didn’t raise no fool) and once she slipped into it, the rest was simple. That night we didn’t go out, we sat in, spoke about everything under the sun. I knew everything about her. I knew what everyman had done to and for her and I knew what she wanted to hear. Women aren’t as complicated as you think, Listen and you’ll find that spot that spoils them. Material things are one thing, attention is everything. Attention to detail, how she likes her eggs, the fact she doesn’t like orange juice, it’s the little things. I made those little things a big difference in the next few days, by the end of the next week she mentioned Shade's name. It took a lot to respond "Shade who?"

Now let’s get back to tonight, you can be the Ex or you can be the next you choose. For nearly a whole year we were the toast of Lagos. I was never associated with any woman publicly (yes there were the rumours, the innuendos etc. heck if Sade Ladipo and the Grapevine were around then I’d have been a daily topic!) Once you become Lara's man by virtue of career you were "marked". I made a meal of it though, I sent her flowers, I sent muffins to her camera and makeup (that got me loads of offers to bed by the powder girls) and I took her out without question. Her catching me in bed with Shade had a story behind it.

Shade was the jealous type, she had to be among, had to have everything had to be in the limelight, missing out pained her. She didn’t realize I had what she called "The Package". She was the type of girl that wanted destination wedding and the works. In me she saw someone who could provide that and my not returning her calls but suddenly appearing beside Lara at functions, she was pained!

Shade showed up while Lara was on air for an unplanned show, by then my timing was known to most in the little circle I kept. Sitting in my living room I lazily walked to the door and there stood Lil Miss Thang. An overcoat in Lagos was a rare thing, nothing under it was even better. She had a cannibalistic approach to getting what she wanted. Before I knew it she pushed me inside and that was it. I was out of my depth and staring at her naked glistering body in seconds. In truth I was horny as f***. Hadn’t seen Lara for a few days and suddenly I was there staring at a body I knew wanted me. I could have suspected it but damn this was booty and I was......

I stripped off her overcoat and dived in for a nipple. In the mirror reflection I could see her mouth turn up into a smile almost saying "success". In a low throaty voice she said the words "Eat me!" I didn’t need a second invitation. I lifted the hood on her bean and flicked it with my tongue. I went at it with so much venom it was like I wanted to give her a lobotomy. They claim black men don’t eat cooch; I ate that one like it had the cure to everything under the sun. By the time I was done with it she'd had a dozen orgasms and I was hard as f***.

I lifted my head from between her legs and kissed her with her own juices on my lips. There’s nothing more exciting than tasting yourself (my Hispanic fuckbuddy told me that, I believe every word of it) that must have been what drove her off the cliff. She lifted and climbed on top of me. I’d never been ridden like that in a long time.

She wasn’t the gentle love making kind like Lara, she was a rodeo girl and she was born to ride.

Have you ever met the girl Apache rapped about in Gangster Bitch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qE9wZS0RX0) well it was Shade! She went in on me like I was made of diamonds. She had this hip movement thing she did and damn I was going to rip her insides with my cum I flipped her over and as I got on top something said look up....

In my sex filled head I saw a shadow, focused for a bit and saw an image, I saw a person....yup. That "Oh Shit" moment came up and let’s just say I didn’t cum. There’s nothing I didn’t do, there’s nothing I didn’t try to do. Lara wouldn’t see me.

Eventually I left town, I came back a few times. I never got involved with any girl publicly neither did I ever get any woman back to my place. Hundreds of flowers, gifts etc. I sort of gave up. Lara made sure I was never able to see her, I tried to make my way to see her but I couldn’t take the rejection.

Over time, over a long time 8 years I sat at the club watching TV and there she was, the volume was low but something was unfolding, the more I looked the more it became obvious. Some little girl was handing Lara, my Lara a ring and her dad was there waiting to be told yes. I jumped into my car and made my way to her studio, passing her car on the way in I decided to follow her. Call it what you want I wasn’t stalking her, on getting to her place and seeing her walk out looking all that....I had to

talk to her, I had to hear her voice again.

'Congratulations'.....The slaps came in thick and fast.

Expect the follow up soon, you can also read her blog and the full story at http://www.hapygypsy.blogspot.com/2014/04/la-priemiere.html?m=1

Letter to my Ex...

Dear Ibukun

After all that's happened I realized that we had covered it all. The 26 letters just like when we first met. Remember that day? Volunteering in the hospice and everyone went back for a drink, one of the kids had given us the same alphabet card, no words just alphabets A to Z.
We both sat down and with our pints in front of us we made up the craziest words and scenarios from each letter...dare I say that was one interesting evening.
Little did I realise it would be what Id run through when we broke up. The rainy nights alone and the card was in the same place. My card with your initials and phone number, the same orange number you kept forever and a bit. I picked it up, flipped it and the first thing that came to mind was the alphabet game

Z - Z was for Zelda, the name of your cock blocking friend who questioned everything, every detail of my being, why I was this, why I wasn't that. Is she married now? Nope. I told you, shes a lesson on celibacy, I hope she ended up being a nun.
Y - Y is for You, the being who stole my every moment, took everything I believed and turned it into a blurry memory,
X - That's the fake Professor Xavier, the so called avenger who was also analysing you for "skills". Was I angry, nah, why would I be, we weren't exclusive and I knew only too well what it meant when I got into the club and saw you sitting at his table. Moonlighting never was appealing after that!
W -  W had to be for "will power". There are very few things that fazed me after being with you. I'm confident if a UFO fell out of the sky after what I went through with you Id walk by like it was a grasshopper that landed wrong.
V - V was Victoria, your friend who wanted to bait me, she did everything, I mean everything to try get me to capitulate. Its funny how she was so determined to prove to you that I would cheat that she pulled out all the stops. The best has to be when you all crashed over and I felt my clothes being tugged off, how desperate was she to try shag a drunk dude!
U -  U was for unnecessary, that's what all the fights we had (or should I say the fights you instigated were). There were too many and they had no meaningful outcome
T -  T is for Time! Towards the end you became lucid and calm. it was an amazing change for someone who had for 11 months made life grief for me all of a sudden change into a quiet agreeing easy going no stress angel.
S - Obviously S is for the sex. I think we abused the term "Make up Sex" we made up almost daily, we had everything to make up for, every word we exchanged at times seemed to reek of venom, every moan had a tonne of passion.
R - Rejection. The first few times we met, I could have sworn you were enjoying the attention but loving the forlorn look on my face when I got the "never ever ever" responses.
Q -  Quality time.......They were few, they were intense and they had more real feelings to them than anything.
P - Peace...I ask myself sometimes if i really wanted it now? What with all the insanity we had, I think the essence of our relationship was the turmoil.
O - Others....your friends, the one night strays you fondled, the guy at carnival.....shall I go on?
N - Never again.... I said that over 100 times but I still came back! Pussy whipped? Nah.....Was I insane....duh! We did everything under the sun in the space of a few weeks. Sex, drugs and rocking roll was our motto!
M - Miami..my tattoo, your naked swim in the Atlantic, the ship captains face.....priceless! Coconut Grove will never forget us...never!
L- Love they say...is a dangerous game. It has to be when our only cure for fights was paint balling and being in opposite teams so we could vent and shoot at each other...That was great until you got a real gun and tried to shoot me wasn't it!
K - The first kiss. That locking of lips that ruined everything for everyone around us. The NCP carpark I still look with a heavy heart whenever I go past the Trocadero.
J - Jealousy your undoing. Jealousy they say only eats up your beauty. If only you'd had more faith in yourself, your being......sad isn't it.
I - I gave up.....if I didn't maybe just maybe things would be different, maybe that would have led to a lot of things and not the eventual outcome.
H - High......Hi....Bye...*Sigh*
G - Good times. Few and far between in far flung places...from Gutenberg to Gateshead!
F - Fatal blow...Imagine how I felt. Parting ways and two weeks later there's that wait sitting there on Yahoo messenger on your birthday sending a tonne of messages only to be told I shouldn't expect a response by your room mate.
E- Edward he went with you and sadly....he died with you. Adventure was always his undoing.
D- Death....sad word, sad outcome to life, incredible how it takes everything away in just one moment
C - Cars.....I told you...I hate to say it but I told you! Its one thing to drive on the M1 and get a speeding ticket but car crashes in California don't always end well......High on crystal meth driving or should I say flying through intersections. Onto and over the bridge. Sometimes we have very little to hold onto its that which is left that makes us cling to drugs when we are weak.
B - Brief, our moments were brief, our time was short. Our passion was strong, our pain went deep...I still cry over your absence, I miss your insanity. I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't broken up. Maybe you'd have stayed and we'd have been at Glasto instead of you running away with Ed to move me out of your mind.
A - Amazing how we made our own dent in history. We did the most awesome things, had the most amazing time and spent our days living it up and our nights in each others arms.

I never thought Id love someone who would leave this earth before me. I never thought of all people you'd die. You were larger than life, you were life!
Love they say never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its sources. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness of witherings of tarnishing and of cars falling off bridges. The difference in this story of us is captured by JK Rowling; "To the well organised mind death is but the next adventure". Ill see you when I get there Buks..

I Can't Make You Love Me......

Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices

Inside my head

Lay down with me

Tell me no lies

Just hold me close

Don't patronize

Don't patronize

Its February and we now have a date, we have our "its over"date. The reality of December till now could kill me just thinking about it.

I'll close my eyes

Then I won't see

The love you don't feel

When you're holding me

Mornin' will come

And I'll do what's right

Just give me till then

To give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

I dont know how to give up, its always been my failing. How do you walk away from a friend, how do you not want air...

'Cause I can't make you love me

If you don't

You can't make your heart feel

Somethin it won't

Here in the dark

In these final hours

I will lay down my heart

And feel the power if you want

No you won't

Haven't seen you in a New York minute have I......

Secret Garden

Its obvious isn't it, the words of secret garden say it all...I mean what can I say that the likes of Barry, Al, Chico, and James haven't said already. If I wanted to say it in any other form (Dirty)  Id probably get a track like Call me (Lil Kim and Too Short) to translate in 'errm more ways than one..(grin)

Because tonight I want you

To learn all about the

Secrets in your garden

*Dirty and romantic and awesome all in one verse* who does that

Tonight I want to lean in, I want to taste the lips I've watched move for so long, I want the words you say to fade away and the mouth to only move to my rhythm. The only thing we wont do is stop, time has already stood still for too long. The only thing we need is time, enough time to explore.

Music like this makes me ask what happened to real music. A few days a go I was going on and on with @MrEnclave about old time music from the days of Cadillac Records and Motown and I realized the one near modern track that tells it all was Secret Garden. It defines everything good about music....everything good about wanting...This was and still is the ultimate transform her into mush music. This was real!

Now for me to find that James D-Train Williams track....This soul could do with some company!

Ill pour myself the vodka

Torn

So that's how it is, it never goes the way you planned. This 'fest never goes like the tv and movies say it would. It starts like suspense, then there's a little moment when you get all the soul flowing only to find out you've been living in Lah Lah Land.

There's a point it starts making sense, its at that point that it really makes no sense at all. You're not Jammie Fox, dude you ain't even got a record deal. all you've got is a wing and a prayer (nigga seriously you ain't even got that considering all! You're just you; a confused side bar looking like a lean version of Chris Tucker on a bad date.

It always hits you hard doesn't it. Well when all is said and done its just you in this. Question everyone is asking right now is what is this? Dude what the fuck is this!

This is the point when you're ripped to shreds, the point where it all goes into a cauldron and you can't even get ahead because of what you might leave behind. You never know how much you're bound by certain things that hold onto you. You know our human compassion binds us from one to the other. It also holds us prisoner to those who in one brief moment get to know us way more than we realize can be possible.

This is confusion and pain all in one mix of massive emotions. Insanity 101 and this ain't the exercise part but if you're susceptible it will make you lose weight!

Whats all this about? Wish I could tell you.......

Mr Wrong......Broken Wings Part 2

I adored the pants off him and I didn’t know how to tell him, he was unique, he was different and he wasn’t available. Femi summarised much, he never let anything become a big deal, he wasn’t controlling but he was in control and that was what a woman craved more than anything, a man in control. He was Bond; however in his case he was never shaken nor stirred. He was Bruce Banner powerful in thought and deed but never turning green with envy. He was Tony Stark, loved his toys, he was one of the boys but he never allowed them to cloud his desire for the truth to always rise he defended stuff out of the need for truth. He was a different man from the ones that made us hate all men.

Bad boys aint no good

Good boys aint no fun

Lord knows that I should

Run off with the right one

Femi and I had bumped into each other at the most random of places, wine tasting events, car events, movie premiers, airport lounges, places I almost never met any Nigerian man but then he wasn’t Nigerian in the sense. From a humble background he had managed to make a lot of himself and it was all him, no daddy no mommy no uncle nothing. He was the kind of man you knew could make you comfortable mentally because it would always be alright.

Ok enough about him, this is about me, how I feel dammit! After seeing him at the club on Kings Road it was definite I needed to see him again. He'd come with his angels, a bunch of old girls friends some married some not but all who hovered around him like he was honey and they were bees, every woman liked him and I wondered how many had tasted him. He knew what to do, how to do it and the right moment to choose to do it. He wouldn’t talk at times but his silence said a lot and we all got the "memo" as he puts it when there’s not much to say he lived by music; he always said “you say the best when you say nothing at all”, typical line from a song guy he was. There I go talking about him again when this is supposed to be about me.

After the last time I saw him I promised that the next time I would talk, I had to; we had danced at Bar Rumba and he held me close, I knew one thing for sure, I was going to fuck his brains out and he won’t need to beg for this cooch! I was dripping without him even struggling. Id once heard Abi say "he does things to you", she described one evening when she was down on luck and he kept her company in the yard while the rest of us were getting wasted.

Her words "he lit the blunt, took a few drags, passed it to her and in one movement drew her close, without taking a drag, she was high on him and she swore to rape him......I’m absolutely sure I know how she feels.

Working in the same building was a stroke of luck even I couldn’t have hoped for. His contract had ended, he got a short term offer in Santandar and poof, and he was within touching distance. I could have sworn even the gods wanted this to happen! Seeing him from afar walking back in from a cigarette break my legs failed me and I was in shock, I tripped over my heels and there was that scene all females wished never happen, my 6 inch number was from Chalany and they held well however they couldn’t hold me up when I saw him. He'd seen what happened and walked over like the quintessential gentleman he was, walked through my group of friends and lent me a hand up. Playboy just had to do that didn’t he; he just had to be my knight in shining armour.

Me and Mr Wrong get along so good

Even though he breaks my heart so bad

We got a special thing going on

Me and Mr Mister Wrong

Even if I try, no, I never could

Did I mention he also lived close by? He drove past and saw me at the bus stop waiting for the bus to Canning town, slowed down called my cousin at 7.15am to get my number!! Who does that!!! He got his wish, my number…. and he called....his words "Hey Kat, need a ride?” 

I hopped in and my life after was never the same. I’d met men but this was a real man! His life was too simple, he never held anything to heart, he never pushed you for anything, his theory, if you really want to do this for me, you would. He cooked, he cleaned, and he hugged you just right, just right.

I was aching for the kiss to happen and when it did I dived in! I’d had a few drinks and the need for him was tearing me apart, I’d made up my mind to ask him in and basically use my assets to get him. For fuck sake I was moist every time I saw him, what else do I need? This wasn’t going to be love, I couldn’t love him, he wasn’t available....ok maybe he was for this brief period. I wasn’t seeking a man; I didn’t mind having him for now, just for now.

After drinks it was obvious I was going to need a ride home from him, the rest of the guys had left, my girls made a bee line to London Bridge and I asked him where he parked (Silly billy like him, he hated the tube and always drove to the C zone, I never got it but tonight I’m happy we have a car to be alone in.

Once we got in I said a zillion things, none of which I could remember, he just smiled and mumbled a lot. We were perfect actually, I spoke he listened and he mumbled a few words from time to time. 

Once we got to my place, I was reluctant to get out, I kept the gist on, Id placed my hand on his lap and shoulder a few times hoping he would just take me or something. I wasn’t fragile; Femi for Pete’s sake put me out of my misery. I was like a scuba diver seeking a pearl and he was definitely in need of air after we were done. 

He had apparently been thinking the same thing; problem was he didn’t want to push his luck. Imagine that! Other men would have even tried to grope but the gentleman in him wasn’t keen on pushing it. After 5 minutes of hearing me babble on he'd asked if I was going to go to work early tomorrow, I was like yea, might as well and all then he leaned in to hug me goodnight, in doing this our body’s came together. This was all it took to light up the atmosphere in his car, I heard him say 

"Fuck it" and his lips were on me. Little did he know I’d been waiting for that kiss since the first time I met him, he was too unique not to be tasted.

His lil Jap slanted eyes twinkled, he asked if he could come in. I thought nigga if you dare go now I will kill you! We went in and as I dropped the house keys on the ledge beside the door I felt my waist being drawn back into his groin, he was hard, I was practically dripping cum, I’d never been so turned on it was eclectic. If anyone had told me his patience extended to sex Id have never believed it, he was a gentle man as well as a gentle but an “in charge lover”. After grinding me for a while all the while nibbling on my ear he decided to turn me round allow me face him but only for a reason, he wanted me naked, who was I to say no.

He took my blouse and peeled it off like it wasn’t meant to be there, my bra was unhooked in a motion that could only be from the Last Airbender and suddenly I was there with my skirt dropped onto my heels and the VS knickers seemed like they were there to waste time! He took everything off but made me keep the heels, kinky so and so! He sat me down and looked into my eyes as if to say, get ready for the ride, I didn’t imagine what was coming next, I couldn’t, I’d never been with someone had so much attention to detail but Femi was different. He popped a nipple into his mouth in a motion that has left a stain on mu couch till today, I squirted. He plucked it pulled lightly and was swirling it in his mouth, tongue flat pressed on it while his mouth enclosed my areola. He had his other hand cupping my left breast up and pressing it flat as if he was holding it in place. I was shaking and he was working me like a BMW. I didn’t know when his hand went lower. He dug down and peeled up the lips of my pussy while plucking out my bean as if he put it there! This bastard was experienced and it was friggin’ obvious I was going to get a whole lotta lovin', I had never been so found out it was amazing and I loved it. I couldn’t imagine how a man could multi task, from my breasts to my clit, and then he did the most magical thing, cupped my butt cheeks put his lips on me and ate me. I’d heard from a lot of black men that they don’t dive in but he took me out! I was dizzy from cumming, I’d been hollow for so long a tongue in me was tearing me apart I wanted his dick, he was making me wait, he made me wait. I reached for his head and pressed it closer, I needed him to eat deeper, I needed something to touch me so deep Id scream! How could he know what I want, I wanted so bad to be penetrated but his tongue was giving me the high of a lifetime? I had to fight him to get his belt off, it was enough. I couldn’t take the punishment anymore. Reaching into his boxers for his dick was an experience. It was like I was begging for it in my own friggin house I needed him and he made me beg literally! We went ahead with a 69 and oh was it awesome. My living room had a glass wall and I could see myself being eaten, trust me if you haven’t seen your own cum face, you should. I took enough time to lick from tip to shaft, treated his wood like I owned it and I was enjoying him teasing my clit while one finger was inside me. I wanted him inside me so bad I was shaking, I was ready, my ass was clenching my body was in awe of his experience all I wanted was for him to come meet his new friend, my cooch. Bummer; Femi had no condoms.

When he put that loving on me, I can't think of nothing

That'll make me walk out

I'm holding on

I love my Mr Wrong

He be kissing and touching on me

I can't help but love him

I must be out my mind

For going so strong

I love my Mr Wrong

Bastard how could you make me wait! I was ready, I was willing, you were able how could you not have any condoms, what man has no condoms ready!!! AS IN WHAT THE FUCK!

He told me to calm down, "I got this" he said. I wasn’t pleased, I wanted him and I was fading. He picked me up, held me close and kissed me. There’s nothing more hard to pacify than a bitch on heat, this nigga knew his way around woman (Have I said that already?) He kissed the anger out of me, slight to no tongue, just used it to graze my teeth, peeled at my lips and in the words of my gateman in Lekki, he "did me strong thing"!

He placed his dick at the mouth of my vagina and in a flat form like a sausage in a bun, I went wild, I was riding his body even with his dick outside it felt so good, I came for the 4th time that night with his cum flowing over my groin and stomach, passing out with all our body juices dripping on the couch was easy. I couldn’t do anymore, I wanted to play and please him a lot more but that would have to wait. 

I smelt the weed from the back garden, that was what woke me up, typical Femi, he'd found coffee, mixed himself a blend and in an early autumn my Femi was smoking and drinking coffee from my kitchen in my back yard.

Wait did I just call him mine?

To Be Continued.......

Broken Wings

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants no trace
No residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me.


Once we got on the plane it was obvious, we were over. We had to be, Kat was a female me, there is no way in this world I was meant to find her or be with her. I was and it was too good to be true. Life was a roller coaster and it climaxed in New York. My city, our city, our best ever.

Kat wasnt just any other girl, our meetings in the past were not exactly meetings, they were oh he'll be there ok, I'll come, and vice versa. Then one day work day I saw her. I hated the tube and she always took a bus and an overground train or the light rail to work. she got in, we got along and it became a pattern. Heck she even swigged my coffee a few times!
Then one day it happened.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya, I hope you feel the same

Drinks in London is something we all do, late drinks, late evenings on a school night, well those are naughty and thats what it ended up being.Before I go on let me tell you something, Kat is not your normal typical black woman. Shes the one NeYo sang about in "Miss Independent", shes the 20th century female with everything. The 6 pack, the firm body, those 34C cups, the ass.... all that on a 5ft 9 inches frame. She's the lil husky twing in the voice that says "I can do things to you", shes a lot of things in one body. Shes also successful to the point where all the men I know didnt know what to do or say to get her, fortunately I wasnt one of those me. I was me,"Hitch" personafied.
Long story short, We got pissed, we swapped tongues and we made out.


I left her at 3am only to return for the trip to work at 7am. Needless to say we were shattered from last night, relieved we had gotten the sexual tension and need out of the way. We both needed to bust a nut, my nutsack was a month full she hadnt had any in months we were perfect! She didnt need telling I was as Rosemary called me "bad market"... Rosemary is a story for another day. Today was Friday and fridays were going to change from now on.Today we were going to bump uglies so bad it was going to make the neigbhours have to call the cops.
She came back to mine after a work function, the blackcab driver had to comment on how much she would be loved tonight, from Leadenhall all the way to the East he kept sneaking peeks. Taking Kats clothes off was the highlight of that year, Id seen the goods before however this time I knew I had time, I had wood that a Canadian lumberjack would be proud of. We didnt make love at first, we fucked we had to, there is no way you wont want to just tear it up with that body. We shagged in every way possible, when we got tired of pumping our mouths took over. I ate her like she had maple syrup dripping out of her cunt and when we couldnt bear any more orgasms (yes that time does come) we sat in the back of the house, lit a joint and watched the night turn to day. We got high on ourselves then we got high on nature. Mother nature does make a good blend when you find the right dealer.


Away from me to see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to leave, I had to live
I had to leave, I had to live

That was how it started. From then on sex was a given, the amount of time we parked in lay-byes and had "one for the road" or did it in the back in Odeon, Regent park, Hyde park name it. We did it everywhere and it was insane. But it was just that, insane. We got tired and decided to do it on a different continent. Chris Rock said it aint great pussy until its been hit on the otherside of town. I decided the other side of the continent would do just fine. We had time besides there was our mutual need. Lets just say fantasy had time, reality has no time. We had been on for months and had alienated the world. I still kept my personal family things going, I made time for the important things, and I kept up with Kat. I was living the dream and after Amsterdam we had to do New York, she had work to do out there, I had a free 5 days.....whats there to think about. It was agreed, it was our time to take New York by storm.

If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around
Pretty wings, your pretty wings
Your pretty wings, pretty wings around

Once in the lifetime of a relationship, legal or otherwise you realize you'd done this before in this life time or the last. I got to the terminal building and made the "Im here" call.She was excited but all of a sudden it occured to me. I cant do this to her forever. Dont get me wrong, baby girl was and still is a freebird, she lived for the moment, loved for life and didnt want anything from me except the insane character that lived behind this seemingly sane face and well....the tool I carried about.
She couldnt wait for me to get to the hotel, once I got to 10003 (my favourite zipcode apart from 15213) it was as if I was home. She drew me in and this time there was no love making, she held me like I brought warmth from the -2C degrees outside. She wanted to just hold me and considering it had been over 2 weeks since she left me I knew exactly how she felt, one tear and a long kiss and I held onto her.
We did New York, we had the walks, we window shopped and had the time of our life, the sex was the last thing I remember about the trip, the company was the best thing. She took time to talk to me about everything Id been struggling with and helped me get my inner life back to life.
What I havent said in all this is she came at a difficult time, it was time I was alone, Id started to think since he died (another story). When I think, I fall apart but instead of being an "adult friend" (you call it fuck buddy) she was a partner. Kat taught me how to find my humor again, showed me that I still brought light to those around me.
She was an angel and her work was done. I looked in the mirror and saw charity, I was a kid from the Homerton Orphanage and she'd brought a smile to this big kid who needed a friend. Walking onboard the Virgin Atlantic hostess smiled, looked at us and whispered to the guy beside her, "dont that couple look great?" If only she knew.
I sat in the seat and even that wasnt helpful, darn VA seats you pay for Premium and you can never lift up the so called arm rest.
As she leaned in to snuggle, I could tell. I just could.

To be continued...............

I turned day into night, sleep till I die a thousand times
I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days
I miss you more and more

Zimbabwe - bob Marley & The Wailers

The situation of the past few days has shown that men are brave as well as stupid, some men will bear the tale of public warrior while privately they fight for themselves and their pockets. Decades ago a great man (albeit with his own faults) called Martin Luther King fought for the rights of a race, it is a shame that some in a generation of so called greats cannot fight for a nation.
We are torn in-between tribes which were only in existence because of locations where people live, torn by loyalties which are only time deep, in another election cycle these loyalties will be dispersed and move on but the people will remain. The people will remain.
Now we can sit still and accept that there wont be probity however that will be a lie, the truth is the present people in power wont be able to sleep at night no matter how much they think they have made it will it make them?
Those who flaunt the gains of their booty in the faces of the masses will probably never realize how much suffering they cause the poor with their theft however there are things they should consider, what they're doing now is only part of a cycle that shall continue over time. Those who stole before exist in our midst, in other nations people who acquire wealth come back to invest in society in Nigeria its moved abroad.


Long ago Bob said “In this bright future you can't forget your past.” Im hoping for the sake of those in power they who didnt have shoes remember those days and do well by those of us who come after them.
To those of us who did move with the struggle I encourage you to embrace another famous saying from the man “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds” right now in this nation in our state, we need this as a desert needs a oasis.


For this, to heal our minds and occupy our time in this crisis, I give you one of Bob Marley's greatest live performances and his greatest track (Bar "Johnny Was...me thinks :))...Zimbabwe!

Test Drive - Keith Sweat Ft Joe

I ask time and time again if there will ever be kings of soul on performance like Steve Harvey and the guys did a "Kings of Comedy", from the way the music business is I realize this is asking for the impossible. As with most of the best tracks on R&B albums this has no video which makes it even more painful but lets be realistic, how do you do a video to a track like this?
I can picture it though...an accidental meeting, a walk later, a few more meetings and the deal closer.
Awesome can describe only a few musicians who to me didnt really make it mainstream but had enough to make it into my collection.


To my friend who made drinks this evening interesting...heres to you.

I Got This..Jennifer Hudson

Amazing isn't it, I've not been here for a second and all of a sudden Im hating the fact that I went away at all. Life can do loads to you so can the happenings in your life, new continent, new job, new dog....a lot is new yet a lot has changed. Sacrifice seems to be the order of the day and time and chance seem to have left the building cos I never have any of the two.


Jennifer did a few things to me in recent times and lets just say she touched a string in my heart with this album especially this track. Shes gone though a bit since her last album, lost her family trauma etc. I've learnt though that this is actually what makes us stronger.


I couldn't find the video for this (Isn't out actually they never make videos for the "moody ones") but this should do. Remember the idea is not the video, its the lyrics and what it adds to the soul.


Thanks for waiting (if you're still out there) and hopefully Ill be more regular now I've sorted myself out :)

Heather Headley - I Wish I Wasn't

If there was a woman who could give you soul and not break sweat (amongst the other queens of my heart music wise) Heather would be that one woman who could drop it on a penny. I think I have gotten her more followers over time than any other individual fan on earth (take that to the bank!) She croons it like it should be, her lines like cocaine make you high and her facial expressions........blaquesque (yes I made up a word) are as amazing as they come. She embodies every black woman in her pain and her longing and her fears.

Ever since I have been old enough I have seen every woman as a queen and seen them struggle through hurt and pain and sanity of life. I would go crazy if I was a woman (maybe not, life could be interesting....hmmmm the things I'd do!) but then me as a woman would just be one great insane world.

The world we live in is one big puzzle with pieces littered everywhere. Heather has almost all the time helped me put some of the pieces together, she sings and I understand and I go try make the woman happy.

For those who fall in love with this track check out,"In my Mind, He Is and Me time which I will definitely share sometime soon!

John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change

This is one guy that should have been born black and in either Louisiana or somewhere down South. With all the Orleans type tracks John Mayer has had; he has put himself in the world map with tracks that make you swoon.
A guitar playing kid is what I saw then someone, my one time BFF said "seriously Listen to this" and that was me hooked. There was gravity, there was Daughters and Im sure if I go on I will get to list the whole Continium album.
My first copy was a live one and it was awesome to me, sounded like I was in a smokey bar (pardon the ban people, it just makes you smell fresher) and just taking it all in, the string buzzing on a Yahama guitar, the foot tapping and the body movement of all those that appreciate good music. I think this is one of the best songs ever made. The lyrics are absolutely amazing.
It'll be a disgrace if there is even one person who dies without listening to this song.
Amazing beats, piano, vocals, harmonies mixed with such a great message.
As John said we keep waiting, on the world to change!

Officially Missing You - Tamia

I didn't really pick Tamia this evening,I was just humming to myself another Tamia track (Nope, I ain't gonna tell which one!) and this came up. I like lil lady, she does things to me. Older, matured, no funny bunny mood here, she's one of my axis ladies.

Anita Baker, Paula Abdul, Pebbles, I could go on. Some ladies in music have been my teenage years, my 20's, my 30's spooners (I spoon to them!) They make you not want sex but want to hold and be held.

She has served up "Into You" which to me is one of the most amazing "I love you" songs ever. If you appreciate music you'll appreciate Tamia and everything about her. Just so you know.....I am officially missing you, live it up!

Can You Stand The Rain - New Edition

I know, I have objections to the video too, but tell me who in the 90's (some till now) did not have a BBD, Bobby Brown, Johnny Gill or Ralph Transvant track on their walkman? Yeah Bobby wasn't always there (thank you Bobby, you took a great thing from the group!)
But then if Bobby didn't take the journey he did how would we appreciate Johnny's voice, Ralph's sexiness, Ricky Bell's tune it in "no pressure from me...." Michael Biven's producing and Ronnie Devoe's...........ok I'm really not sure what Ronnie did but this was New Edition!

I couldn't remember going a month, nay a week without hearing their music, they were super with a capital S. No one not even B2M could give them a run, they were the group to be and they set the pace.

When times are rough and you see a bit of grey all over the place, best thing to do is to ask yourself, "Can You Stand It". There was a day I couldn't really stand the rain but then I had a friend borrow me a shoulder to lean on, that's what friends are for I guess. I got the wizard of Oz, some booze and a great evening that cemented a great period in time. There's no better way to stand the rain, find a friend!

Ladies and Gentlemen, New Edition!

Diddy - Dirty Money - Hello Good Morning ft. T.I., Rick Ross

My name is Diddy, I hold the keys to the city.....Vanity is well and truly alive and probably never left his domain. P-Diddy is the only other person apart from JayZ that can make a line word holy in the name of rap.
How many people put their BB status to "hello; Good morning"...way too many that I know. It is catchy, it is modern and it has the Boss, Rick Ross. What more can you want? The lyrics were sublime, the rhythm is catchy, the track is a club banger in all senses. If you're a DJ and you ever want to get people out of their seats all you need is this track...while its still banging though!

Id Die Without You - PM DAWN

How do you describe a track that says it all. How do you say the words "Id die without you" to a partner and not remember this track. It was the tune from Boomerang that made Eddie Murphy look like he was a love struck little boy, it sent him into mush mode.
PM dawn suffered from bad management as many people thought they deserved to have been bigger than they ended up being. This track and "Set Adrift on memory bliss" were a really good listen to me and I am sure they were to a lot more people.

I do hope you all enjoy this. I sure did.

Boyz II Men - I Can't Make You Love Me

There should be a recommended dosage for how much you can love songs that preach love, there should also be a warning for how much you can love Boys II Men. From the "End of the Road" to "I'll Make Love to You" we all have at some point in time listened to them and thought to ourselves where are these guys! What have they done to me! How come they haven't graced us with more over the years!
I know of very few people that have heard the album "Love" but those that have swear by its potency. Not since Chante Moore and Kenny Latimore's album "Things That Lovers Do" has a track made me wonder, "I Can't Make You Love Me" is deep, deeper than a lot of things that you can ever find in the journey any of us would make in the name of music.
I sat in on a flight from JFK to Heathrow in December 09 and listened to this on my Ipod, it made me shudder a minute later I was asleep till we were over London, good music does that to you. How could a group like this not have more albums over this period? 20 years and their music is still relevant to all of us, its a long time but then so is life!
I'm sorry I didn't get an official video, their videos are as awesome as their music, those who remember the movie Boomerang will tell you

Matchbox Twenty - If You're gone

This has to be my heartbreak love song of the 90's. Rob Thomas has to be (if I was a girl) one of the most handsome and gifted singers that isn't black in my opinion!
I pride myself as being the real life walking music library, nothing grows old on me and this is one track that has always led to memories.
I think I've already lost you, I think you're already gone, I think I'm finally scared now, you think I'm weak, but I think you're wrong....
That my dear audience (great to assume I have one Lol) is the heart of a real man talking. Men are built not to show emotion as we all feel we are strong and hard and all but we seem never to realize that the thing that makes us hurt the most is that small fact that we never acknowledge how much we love, and darn are we lovers.
A guy can only fake it for so long (not as long as a girl obviously) one thing he cant fake is the truth when he's in love.
Rob Thomas said he wrote this when he fell in love and realized he could lose the woman he loved,the thought of how he would feel if he ever lost his woman spurred this song, that's plenty of love.

Note the beautiful black chic with short hair laughing at the story in 0.28 seconds. The look on her face alone tells you how much love means to black women, now think of how emotional it is coming from a white guy, it isn't jungle fever its love TKO!