Dear Ibukun
After all that's happened I realized that we had covered it all. The 26 letters just like when we first met. Remember that day? Volunteering in the hospice and everyone went back for a drink, one of the kids had given us the same alphabet card, no words just alphabets A to Z.
We both sat down and with our pints in front of us we made up the craziest words and scenarios from each letter...dare I say that was one interesting evening.
Little did I realise it would be what Id run through when we broke up. The rainy nights alone and the card was in the same place. My card with your initials and phone number, the same orange number you kept forever and a bit. I picked it up, flipped it and the first thing that came to mind was the alphabet game
Z - Z was for Zelda, the name of your cock blocking friend who questioned everything, every detail of my being, why I was this, why I wasn't that. Is she married now? Nope. I told you, shes a lesson on celibacy, I hope she ended up being a nun.
Y - Y is for You, the being who stole my every moment, took everything I believed and turned it into a blurry memory,
X - That's the fake Professor Xavier, the so called avenger who was also analysing you for "skills". Was I angry, nah, why would I be, we weren't exclusive and I knew only too well what it meant when I got into the club and saw you sitting at his table. Moonlighting never was appealing after that!
W - W had to be for "will power". There are very few things that fazed me after being with you. I'm confident if a UFO fell out of the sky after what I went through with you Id walk by like it was a grasshopper that landed wrong.
V - V was Victoria, your friend who wanted to bait me, she did everything, I mean everything to try get me to capitulate. Its funny how she was so determined to prove to you that I would cheat that she pulled out all the stops. The best has to be when you all crashed over and I felt my clothes being tugged off, how desperate was she to try shag a drunk dude!
U - U was for unnecessary, that's what all the fights we had (or should I say the fights you instigated were). There were too many and they had no meaningful outcome
T - T is for Time! Towards the end you became lucid and calm. it was an amazing change for someone who had for 11 months made life grief for me all of a sudden change into a quiet agreeing easy going no stress angel.
S - Obviously S is for the sex. I think we abused the term "Make up Sex" we made up almost daily, we had everything to make up for, every word we exchanged at times seemed to reek of venom, every moan had a tonne of passion.
R - Rejection. The first few times we met, I could have sworn you were enjoying the attention but loving the forlorn look on my face when I got the "never ever ever" responses.
Q - Quality time.......They were few, they were intense and they had more real feelings to them than anything.
P - Peace...I ask myself sometimes if i really wanted it now? What with all the insanity we had, I think the essence of our relationship was the turmoil.
O - Others....your friends, the one night strays you fondled, the guy at carnival.....shall I go on?
N - Never again.... I said that over 100 times but I still came back! Pussy whipped? Nah.....Was I insane....duh! We did everything under the sun in the space of a few weeks. Sex, drugs and rocking roll was our motto!
M - Miami..my tattoo, your naked swim in the Atlantic, the ship captains face.....priceless! Coconut Grove will never forget us...never!
L- Love they say...is a dangerous game. It has to be when our only cure for fights was paint balling and being in opposite teams so we could vent and shoot at each other...That was great until you got a real gun and tried to shoot me wasn't it!
K - The first kiss. That locking of lips that ruined everything for everyone around us. The NCP carpark I still look with a heavy heart whenever I go past the Trocadero.
J - Jealousy your undoing. Jealousy they say only eats up your beauty. If only you'd had more faith in yourself, your being......sad isn't it.
I - I gave up.....if I didn't maybe just maybe things would be different, maybe that would have led to a lot of things and not the eventual outcome.
H - High......Hi....Bye...*Sigh*
G - Good times. Few and far between in far flung places...from Gutenberg to Gateshead!
F - Fatal blow...Imagine how I felt. Parting ways and two weeks later there's that wait sitting there on Yahoo messenger on your birthday sending a tonne of messages only to be told I shouldn't expect a response by your room mate.
E- Edward he went with you and sadly....he died with you. Adventure was always his undoing.
D- Death....sad word, sad outcome to life, incredible how it takes everything away in just one moment
C - Cars.....I told you...I hate to say it but I told you! Its one thing to drive on the M1 and get a speeding ticket but car crashes in California don't always end well......High on crystal meth driving or should I say flying through intersections. Onto and over the bridge. Sometimes we have very little to hold onto its that which is left that makes us cling to drugs when we are weak.
B - Brief, our moments were brief, our time was short. Our passion was strong, our pain went deep...I still cry over your absence, I miss your insanity. I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't broken up. Maybe you'd have stayed and we'd have been at Glasto instead of you running away with Ed to move me out of your mind.
A - Amazing how we made our own dent in history. We did the most awesome things, had the most amazing time and spent our days living it up and our nights in each others arms.
I never thought Id love someone who would leave this earth before me. I never thought of all people you'd die. You were larger than life, you were life!
Love they say never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its sources. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness of witherings of tarnishing and of cars falling off bridges. The difference in this story of us is captured by JK Rowling; "To the well organised mind death is but the next adventure". Ill see you when I get there Buks..
